as some of you kow, a few weeks ago i noticed a weird bumpy thing on the side of my left wrist.  after a visit to the much-better-than-AU’s health center i found out it was a ganglion cyst, which is a benign collection of who-knows-what that tends to form around joints — pretty much another example of how inconvenient the body can be.  more than one person (and more than one internet source) told me that you can get rid of ganglion cysts by smacking them with a book.  some people insisted that you should use the bible, although i’m not sure if that suggestion was due to the heftiness of the bible or the nature of its contents.  are ganglion cysts atheists?

in any case, i decided to forego smacking my wrist with a large book and instead made an appointment with a hand and wrist specialist.  turns out my cyst (or my “bean,” as beth dubbed it) was attached to the tendon that runs to my thumb.  which is a bad thing, and means that they would probably want to go in there and get it out.  the specialist guy was very nice and even suggested sipping on a margarita during the whole process, but nevertheless… while i realize that this is probably the best way to deal with a tendon-bean, i am not a fan of someone poking around inside my wrist.  especially so close to oh-my-god-i-have-to-type-two-huge-seminar-papers time.

the specialist actually mentioned the whole hitting-it-with-a-book method.  apparently it’s been done and it works, but doctors are a little uncomfortable with smacking patients around with book — and with the bible in particular.  i took this discussion as permission to take the matter into my own hands.  while i made future appointment to excise the bean, i silently resolved to whack it with a book — perhaps repeatedly over a series of days to weaken and eventually destroy the bean.

today, i destroyed the bean! 

and it didn’t even require a bible.  or even a very hard thwack.  i mean — the bean couldn’t even withstand a direct thump from a paperback.  i’m unconvinced that the bean is gone for good, so i’ll be on bean patrol for a while.  but i feel as if my chosen profession has been validated.  any problem can be solved with a novel.


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