danny and i had a great weekend… on friday night we went to an astros game. we had been planning on getting tickets for some nosebleed seats at the box office right before the game (or, as the case was, sometime during the beginning of the first inning), but while we were waiting in line this really nice guy gave us free tickets he had received from his workplace that he wasn’t going to use. turns out the seats were only eight rows back from the field. i was able to see the bored expressions worn by the outfielders. if i had so desired, i could have yelled obscenities at the bat boy. in truth, i sat happily in my eighth-row seat and ate an extremely large hot dog. after all, hot dogs are, in my opinion, the only reason to go to a baseball game.
because, after all, hot dogs are wonderful.
and on saturday we went to the driving range at memorial park to hit a few golf balls. and indeed i hit a few, surprisingly. and i felt, to a small degree, the satisfying ping nicholaspea spoke of. granted, my first few minutes with my new clubs were plagued by the presence of two little girls whose golf skills were alarmingly superior to mine, but soon after we arrived they left and were replaced by an older man who spent his time mumbling angrily at himself. overall, a very positive experience. i think i’m going to go back to the range on wednesday night, but unfortunately danny won’t be there giving me pointers more seasoned golfers would find more-than-obvious. these simple instructions labeled me a New Golfer and therefore freed me from any Bad Golfer shame. i need a New Golfer pin, like the “trainee” pin they give you when you start a new retail job — a pin that exculpates you, at least in part, from any time-consuming mistakes you make at the cash register.
in fact, i have decided that such a pin should be applicable to most life situations. technology-phobes attempting to use the self check-out at the grocery store could wear a “sorry folks… i cannot determine the produce code for the kumquat” pin. women making their first go at a strapless dress could wear a “just figuring out how to keep them in here” pin. those learning new and complicated fitness equipment at the local gym could wear “do i look like i come here often?” pin. first-year graduate students in english could wear a “i’m pretending to know a lot more than i actually do… and i don’t know yet that you are doing the same” pin. i actually saw a car in the rice parking lot last week that had a sign in the rear windshield: “new to manual transmission.” i like it.