the best english teacher i have ever had retired this friday. gtwnbeth and i sent her roses. i attribute my ability to write a coherent and grammar-perfect sentence to this woman, and i’m probably studying literature right now because of her. not to mention the fact that her classes provided me and aforementioned beth with many many ridiculous yet somehow long-lasting jokes. no one can wear a very large sweater featuring a very small sheep like this woman.
and to this day, i am often possessed with her spirit when duking it out with my current editor regarding comma usage. this woman loves her commas. they are numerous, and they are scattered with abandon. they appear before dependent clauses. they appear inappropriately in quote situations. they even appear in the middle of a sentence for no apparent reason. this woman places commas where no commas should ever be. she is a comma junkie.
i confront her about these commas. i tell her why they do not belong. i have come close to diagraming a few sentences. she is, after all, an economist. figures and charts are more familiar territory. her consistent response is that she understands that the punctuation may be wrong, but she “likes it that way.” the comma infestation has become such a contested issue in our office that our editor is considering having a meeting solely to discuss commas, during which we each will bring our documented evidence to prove our own punctuation preferences. the fact that the editor is approaching this topic as something up for debate — a topic that can be approached in a diplomatic or majority-rules kind of way — irks me. i understand that certain rhetorical situations will call for some discussion and group consensus, but commas are not as subjective as she would like to believe. if we establish some sort of house rule regarding comma usage that contradicts my deeply felt comma loyalties, i may have to stage a rebellion. a comma coup.
i realize this makes me a huge nerd, but i know that there are those out there who understand. ::looks pointedly at bee::
in other news, when danny was down in houston for the long memorial day weekend, he bought me golf clubs! i am going to play golf. i am going to be a golfer of sorts.
or maybe it would be more accurate to say that i am going to dress in a polo shirt and a visor, carry around a large bag containing golf clubs, swing these clubs, occasionally connect with a ball, and lose many balls in woods and other sundry golf course obstacles. we’re going to the driving range this weekend. i want to learn enough to be able to play a game with him and have some fun without wanting to stab myself in the eyes oedipus-style. perhaps after a few trips to the driving range i will graduate to an actual game, where i will be rewarded with the privilege of driving a golf cart. thanks to the Communities in Schools of Wake County golf tournament, i have experience.
at this tournament i also witnessed the perils of hot-dogging in a golf cart when one of our big-money tournament donors attempted to speed down a very steep hill.
it’s all fun and games until someone ends up under a golf cart.
p.s. if anyone who reads this journal knows anything about nascar schedules (which is kind of unlikely), i need some assistance. according to my priest, himself a nascar fan, the new schedules were supposed to come out at the end of may. i need to know when the coca cola 600 will be in 2006. unfortunately, this fact will determine my wedding date. damn lowe’s motor speedway and its proximity to my church!