1. in my parents’ attic, there are two almost complete sets of star wars action figures — from the first movies, mind you — that used to belong to my brothers. these action figures are housed in plastic cases shaped like darth vader’s head. i believe that if sold on ebay, these action figures could make me independently wealthy.
2. or it could pay for my trip to scotland, because in july i am going to scotland for a week. i will be spending three days at the university of edinburgh attending a conference. i will be spending one day taking a day-trip to haworth village to see bronte country. i am seriously considering spending a day taking a trip to loch ness. during moments of weakness predicated by extreme hardcore paper writing, i have entertained the idea that i, in fact, am not meant to become a professor but in fact am destined to be the chance traveler who finally procures solid evidence of nessie. i imagined this scenario in a very complete fashion, including the layout of a time magazine cover featuring me, wearing a floppy olive-khaki explorer’s hat, posing with nessie, whose monstrous but somehow charming snout rests on my shoulder.
3. nessie reminded me of the movie baby, which i used to love as a child. i also loved the ewok adventure. i watched it approximately 3454395 times per week. then it mysteriously disappeared. accident? i don’t think so.
4. i haven’t seen that guy who only leaves his apartment wearing a towel in a while. he has disappeared like my ewok movie. maybe he bought some clothes and i no longer recognize him.
5. it disturbs me that of all the random people i knew in high school, only one of them has failed to recognize me immediately. the one person who failed to recognize me was an ex-boyfriend. i choose to believe that this happened because i’m hotter than i used to be.