my train of thought while attempting to write my feminist debates paper

1. in my parents’ attic, there are two almost complete sets of star wars action figures — from the first movies, mind you — that used to belong to my brothers. these action figures are housed in plastic cases shaped like darth vader’s head. i believe that if sold on ebay, these action figures could make me independently wealthy.

2. or it could pay for my trip to scotland, because in july i am going to scotland for a week. i will be spending three days at the university of edinburgh attending a conference. i will be spending one day taking a day-trip to haworth village to see bronte country. i am seriously considering spending a day taking a trip to loch ness. during moments of weakness predicated by extreme hardcore paper writing, i have entertained the idea that i, in fact, am not meant to become a professor but in fact am destined to be the chance traveler who finally procures solid evidence of nessie. i imagined this scenario in a very complete fashion, including the layout of a time magazine cover featuring me, wearing a floppy olive-khaki explorer’s hat, posing with nessie, whose monstrous but somehow charming snout rests on my shoulder.

3. nessie reminded me of the movie baby, which i used to love as a child. i also loved the ewok adventure. i watched it approximately 3454395 times per week. then it mysteriously disappeared. accident? i don’t think so.

4.  i haven’t seen that guy who only leaves his apartment wearing a towel in a while.  he has disappeared like my ewok movie.  maybe he bought some clothes and i no longer recognize him.

5.  it disturbs me that of all the random people i knew in high school, only one of them has failed to recognize me immediately.  the one person who failed to recognize me was an ex-boyfriend.  i choose to believe that this happened because i’m hotter than i used to be.


4 thoughts on “my train of thought while attempting to write my feminist debates paper

  1. a. SHEDshonna not SHACKshonna – do i smell some post paper writing debauchery?
    b. was the person who failed to recognize you Dan Gross? because he definitely failed to recognize me, and then i called him out on it and he STILL didn’t know who i was – and didn’t believe that I attended CCHS. So I refused to inform him of my identity and walked off in a HUFF. a HUFF I tell you.
    c. i went to city limits saloon this weekend, cowboys everywhere – it was fantastic. i also started a barfight, forced the bandmember/scientist to defend my honor, and had to threaten someone with pepper spray. it was a big weekend.
    d. if in fact you do e-bay the star wars figures, you could take the time to search for Nessie – i also think that should you find her, you should go on tour. i’m thinking giant 18 wheeler with clear sides filled with water, you in a scuba suit and nessie doing tricks. Then, after you have sufficiently exploited her, you can start a foundation dedicated to improving the lives of legendary freaks of nature.
    e. i don’t have any more comments, but e is my favorite letter.

    • a. why do i always think it’s SHACKshonna when SHEDshonna is so much funnier?

      b. it was not dan gross (haven’t run into him since high school) but ali. i suppose that is to be expected. but i WILL say that christiaan recognized me when i ran into him last year, so i can’t have totally transformed into a troll.

      c. the fact that you have seen so many cowboys and i have seen so few is counter-intuitive due to our geography. but i am going to call you soon so you can tell me about these antics.

      d. will you drive the 18-wheeler? or sit on the edge of the tank in a sequined bathing cap, gesturing like vanna white? we could be quite the duo. er, trio, counting nessie.

      v. i don’t have any more comments, but v is my favorite letter.

  2. I am so thoroughly excited that you are visiting nessie. I would like to accompany you and be your fledgling explorer assistant person, complete with funny voice and a limp. Yes, I think I could manage the limp.
    On an unrelated note, I watched a tv show on the Food Network (seeing as I have nothing to do with my spare time that could be construed as constructive) and this guy was in scotland and he went to a deli and they deep fried him a Mars bar. I myself, not a fan of the Mars bar, but if they’d fry me up a Milky Way, I’d be there.

    • so i realize i’m replying to this comment much later than it was posted. but such is my life until the upcoming and ominous friday the 13th, when my last paper is due. bum, bum bum bum, BUUUUM!

      you know they sell deep fried candy bars at the NC state fair. i was too full by the time i got to that both to try one, having already eaten one of those big turkey legs and a funnel cake and some cotton candy. i’m sure they’d fry you up a milky way on request. they like to fry things in the south.

      hope all is well, and i promise not to be such a deadbeat friend over the summer.

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