“a note to the woman who was sunbathing at the pool in my apartment complex at 2:00 this afternoon,” also entitled “hey you by the pool, i hate you for the following reasons”:

1.  you have ability to sunbathe at 2:00 in the afternoon.  why aren’t you working?  if you’re independently wealthy, it is unkind of you to rub it in the face of others as nonchalantly as you rub sunscreen onto your legs.  and if you’re independently wealthy, why are you living in my complex?

2.  you have the ability both to afford and look good in the ralph lauren bikini erin and i saw at the mall.  pick one of the above.  both is unfair.  in fact, i think it is close to a social ill that should be addressed through legislation.

3.   as i was hauling my groceries and a pile of library books up the steps to my third-floor apartment (such things don’t concern you, as obviously you only eat salad and only read cosmo), you smirked.  the circumstances being what they were, i was only able to look slightly surprised and very sweaty.  at least reserve your smirks for a moment when i can say something cutting and witty that you hopefully would not understand.

that is all.


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